Announcement.

Please note. This blog not abandoned. I am waiting for a very important blood test results - which bear upon whether treatment can continue. Hope to resume within days.

Miserable Bastard.

Blogging from mobile app, so don't know how this will look.

I had not intended to be such a whiny bastard this week. There are a few contributory factors, the chief of which is loneliness. You lose your 'friends' with HCV. They say they'll be there, but you can no longer be the fun creature you once were. Gradually they drift away.

Some say your cyber relationships don't matter, they aren't real. Well, they are pretty much all I have nowadays and I'll fight like a lion to keep them. I have said before that I won't beg for anything. Yes I will. You fucking well know I will. You're not a collection of avatars, you are people, my VIPs.

Also, in 2 weeks I have a PCR blood test, when they count the number of Blair's in your blood. If, at 12/48 weeks you have not cleared the virus so that it is undetectable, treatment is stopped, because you are not going to clear. I have no reason to suppose that this will happen, I went from 654,040 Blairs down to 1448 in the first 4 weeks, but it is a hell of a worry the closer it gets.

Nodding to Death.

The alert among those who follow me on Twitter will have noticed that 3 nights ago, I had something of a crisis. The antidepressants which I have been taking since my first round of Tx had stopped working and I had crashed to the ground. I was (and to be honest,am) lower than a Dachshund's dangly bits. I cried out for some help and support from this tiny group, yet nobody came. It didn't occur to me, in my state, that they were perhaps busy or doing things in their own lives. No, clearly I had done something to upset or offend them and now they despised me and were laughing at my misery. Down and down I sank, like blood and tears soaking into a carpet. 


Those who have been in a similar frame of mind,  will know that depression is not just a state, it is a place, only seen in the mind's eye, but nonetheless, a place. And I was straining to see in the gloom when Death passed by with a nod and a pale grin.You don't so much see him, as sense him. I knew it was him. We've met a couple of times before, you see, and there's a unique feel to the atmosphere when he's about. He should have had me back in 1979 on a banked, wooded road in Northern Ireland. He failed and that patrol all went home in one piece.(This is the only time I will speak of that incident). This time, though I don't think I could ever go through with it myself, I started to understand how for many, the easiest thing in the world would be to go with him. I had never thought that way before and don't want to again, so I laughed at him - because that's what you have to do.


I kept tweeting and several kind souls stopped to ask if i was OK. I was so touched, but I wanted my special ones, none of whom owe me a damned second look and I don't think social media  is the place to be for instant response. I have some new magic pills now. It will take a little time for them to balance with what I was taking before. Jeez, I hope they work. 


And my dear little group of supporters?  I love you all so much. I'll probably continue to build you up into what you are not and expect far too much of you. Tell me if I'm a pain. Come to me if you can. I can never express fully my gratitude that you were here at all, and though it's not the macho way, I confess that I need you and could not do without you. Thank you. *sniffs*

Early Days

So, there I was about 6 years ago. Wasn't in brilliant health anyway due to work stress, the PLC group I worked for was on a dodgy financial wicket. I had a bit of a cardiac incident - not a full on heart attack, but I had to have an implanted recording device to get a proper diagnosis.


I had all kinds of tests at all kinds of hospitals, then, one morning a letter from an HO arrived which said I tested positive for Hepatitis C and an appointment at the Gastro-Intestinal unit would follow. Just that...I didn't even know I was being tested for HCV. It hit me like a wrecking ball. I knew nothing about HCV and without some gentleness and support at that time, your mind just keeps screaming "You are going to die!" 


Eventually got hold of said HO, who was mortified and asked if I could get in that day. I duly went and we agreed that we had both learned something that day. Shortly after, I got an appointment to see my HCV specialist. She is an absolute authority on the condition, very kind, patient and understanding. It is a not unpleasant bonus that she is also one of the most beautiful women I have ever been fortunate enough to set eyes on!


She explained that my liver is basically shot. It is compensating for the cirrhosis by, I think, finding other ways to perform it's functions. If it decompensates, I will have major problems. The organ will fail completely and I will, in all likelihood, develop Hepatocellular Carcinoma (Liver Cancer). For this reason I can no longer drink alcohol. Ever. I gave in for a month after I relapsed post first treatment. Bloody near killed myself. Hangovers took a week to subside and I kept blacking out. Choosing life, ta! 


The oesophagus often develops what are called 'varices' with this condition. As far as I understand, they are like varicose veins only in the tum. They have a propensity to bleed and this has to be treated straight away or it can be life-threatening. I take a steroid called Propranolol to help with this. I have regular scopings to check these, things and having started with a dozen big 'uns, am happy to report there is now only one and that is barely visible. Also take a thing called Spironolactone as the peritoneal cavity tends to fill with a liquid called ascites. 


Next time, I'll talk about my first 6 month  round of Tx. Please leave comments. Can I present this more interestingly. I am a fumble-handed, trembling blog virgin.... :-D

Tunes #1

TUNES #1

I saids there would be tunes. These are songs which are important, uplifting or inspirational to me.   Tastes are fairly catholic, so something should be along that you like. James Taylor - You Can Close Your Eyes :

 More HCV later

INTRODUCTION.

My name is David. I am 52 years old and like 1 in 12 people around the planet, I have the Hepatitis C virus. They say that it is not wise to spend a lot of time wondering how you got it, but for me, curiosity nearly always trumps wisdom. It seems I may have had the virus for 30+ years, never realising and continuing with a fairly hedonistic lifestyle when I was younger. Hence with the virus - or 'Blair' as I call it, comes that sweetest of inconveniences, Cirrhosis of the Liver. 6/6 on the Ishak scale of fibrosity.

I am currently 9 weeks into 48 of a course of Interferon Alpha 2b and Ribavirin combination therapy. This makes you feel ill and weak most of the time and also mucks about with your brain and perception. This may manifest in anything from uncontrollable weeping to almost murderous rages. I haven't raged in this course of treatment (Tx), but this is my second go, I relapsed previously. 

So, you see the damage that can be done without ever realising one is ill. If I can get just 1 positive person to test before the serious damage is done, then I shall have done a worthwhile thing. 

I am eternally in the debt of 2 lovely Doctors, who help me in entirely different ways and for whom I would walk 5 THOUSAND miles....

I will look at specific aspects of the condition, describe what's happening to me as honestly as I am able and hopefully provide a small education for them that's interested. To keep it light (you may well hear me cry), we'll have some music (very important), jokey jokes, maybe (snifff) poetry and the odd political rant. Be kind, it's my first blog. x